Maybe It Will Numb The Pain
by AngelEstrada
Summary: Written through the eyes of Detective Marty Deeks. ***SPOILERS For Season 5 Premiere, "ASCENSION"***


**Summary:** Written through the eyes of Detective Marty Deeks. ***SPOILERS For Season 5 Premiere, "ASCENSION"***  
**Author's Notes:**The characters of NCIS: Los Angeles do not belong to me, and I do not own the rights to them (sadly). :( I just like playing with them. ;) ...All ideas belong to Angel Estrada at Stokes Fanficz, so please don't plagerize! Anything in quotes belongs to the mind of Mr. Frank Military, who penned such an incredible episode that inspired this one-shot. ...Oh yeah, and this is completely un-beta'd. :) Rated T for traumatic scenes (from the episode). Feedback (As well as Con-Crit) is very much welcomed. :) ***SPOILERS For Season 5 Premiere, "ASCENSION"***

* * *

I can't move. I'm strapped down, and it's two against one... Definitely not a ratio I prefer... atleast not when the odds are against me. They put something in my mouth, and it's not until I hear a crack through my screams that I realize what's happening.

Oh my God. I'm screaming. Like a two-year old. In front of Sam. But right now? I don't care. The pain is unbearable, and I can't suppress my emotions.

It goes on for some time. Cranking. Drilling... Did I mention drilling? A bitter, metallic taste engulfs my entire mouth, and drips like molasses down the back of my throat. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm trying to fight, but I'm defenseless. I look up at Sam through my agony, and he's looking back helplessly, guilty. I just want it all to end.

It's all too much. I can't hold on any longer. Yes, I can. I'm stronger than that. I need to prove myself to Sam, but this is just too much. I think of her... I don't remember much of anything after that. Darkness.

My eyes flutter open, barely conscious, but enough to see that Sam's not. I'm alone now. They're gone... I think. I can't hold my eyes open any longer. My body is aching and limp. I succumb. Black.

I hear muffled voices. A female, I think. It sounds familiar. A male, too. It's not Sam. I hear my name. I force myself to open my eyes.

There she is. My angel. No. It's just Kensi. Close enough. She's here to save me.

Wait.

Is that Granger? Where the hell is Callen? This is worse than I thought.

My attention diverts back to her.

"You gotta get me outta here!"

I plead with her. She says she can't cut me loose. I'm living a real-life nightmare, and I'm terrified. She can tell, but doesn't acknowledge it. Sam and I are alone... again.

They return. I can't handle anymore torture. Once was enough. Too much. Michelle shoots us with squibs. More blood. Thank God, it's not real. There's so much on me that I can't tell the difference between what's artificial and what's my own. We fake our deaths. I'm too exhausted- physically, mentally, and emotionally- to stay conscious anyway, and Sam doesn't look much better.

I awaken to a shuffling of different people. Kensi was standing in front of me again. Paramedics. I don't want them touching me. I hear Sam question me about Michelle.

"I didn't give her up."

He thanks me. The room is spinning. Confusion is setting in. I can't focus on anyone or anything, so my eyes make friends with the ceiling.

They're rushing me into the hospital. I don't know what to think, what to feel. I still can't focus. My mind keeps replaying the day's events, no matter how hard I try to shut them out. I can still hear that drill. I'm haunted. My jaw is throbbing. I just don't want anyone around me right now. I want to wake up and realize that this was all just a horrible dream. It _is_ a dream, right?

He wants to examine my mouth.

"No!"

I can barely get the words out as I choke on my own emotions, the memories flooding back. I turn my head. Kensi's begging for attention. I just can't look at her right now... not like this. I hear Sam tell the doctor to give me time. I turn my head and expunge more blood from my mouth before anymore of it trickles down my esophagus. Please, just leave me alone! I lock eyes with Sam, terrified.

Finally, I'm in a room... alone... with nothing but my own tantalizing thoughts. I can't make sense of it all... Still praying that it never happened. I'm dreaming.

Silence... But then, it's interrupted. I look up, only to see Sam. He looks better. I can't speak to him. I only listen. I still haven't been able to grasp my thoughts.

He begins to walk away. I tremble with my words.

"…I think I'm done being a cop."

He tells me that's a bad idea. I'm not so sure.

Did he just say I'll be a great agent? I never expected those words to come out of his mouth... ever.

"That was my mistake. I won't make it again."

I'm speechless. He gives me space.

I'm finally home... Well, sort of. I guess you can call it that. She walks in as I'm packing up my stuff. I thought I was alone... or so I'd hoped. I didn't want anyone else seeing me this vulnerable. Way to go, Marty. She makes an attempt to comfort me.

"I wanna walk away from it. ...I just need to get away from everything, you know?..."

"...and everyone?"

Damn.

Not the conversation I was hoping to have tonight. Not now. Please. She starts to walk away.

I give in.

"Kens?"

She turns back to me.

"Hey, I just want you to know that the place I went to in my head, to, uhh... stop the pain... was you... and I just kept thinking about your smile... and your laugh... everything... It's the only thing that got me through... For whatever it's worth."

She just stares deep into my eyes, silent.

Voices.

It's Sam... and Callen. Sam says he got me a present... and throws me a pair of wind-up teeth. I'm not amused. Creeped out, really.

Definitely 'a little too soon'.

Callen flashes his new grill. That was actually pretty funny. I chuckle.

"Laughing's good."

I offer a pained smile. I can hide it... for now.

"Yeah... Okay."

Callen says he's buying drinks. I'm really not in the mood, but I oblige... as long as it's nothing cold... or hot... or chewy.

Maybe it will numb the pain.


End file.
